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Wednesday, February 13, 2008 Ok so it's offically a month until my wedding and I'm finally getting excited. M did manage to embarass me with the coordinator when it came to the mentioning of making sure I took my meds and make sure to have plenty of valium on hand. Now I don't mind myself joking about it, but he wasn't totally joking. It made me feel really self concious about it, and in fact it made me pretty upset. Like am I such a fuck up and a psychotic person that he has to make sure I'm heavily sedated. Oh well I let him know after the fact and it was straightened out. My dependance on mind altering medications is not something I take lightly nor is it something that I actually like. I would rather not have to take the medication to feel normal or paranoid on a regular basis. However until then I will joke about it because it's the only way I can cope.On other news...M and I are both at a compromise when it comes to the rose petals. I ordered them.....this is just in case J our florist can't get them at a better price. If he can we have up to 10 days before to cancel with only a $15 cancelation fee. M agreed this was probably the best thing to do. J can't garentee that we'll get the ammount we need so as of right now I'm satisfied with the fact that I have a back up plan. Going back to work was not exactly what I wanted. Normally I look forward to going back to work. Getting out of the house and back to seeing my patients. However I knew I would be walking back into a hell hole which isn't comforting at all. There were a few people that were genuinely happy to see me back and kept asking if I was ok. I have been doing a lot better despite the bronchitis turned phneumonia...yeah I got that too. However I has snide looks and smirks coming my way quite a bit, and a cold sholder from quite a few people. Today Adri called HR Ter to talk to her about the feeling of being harrassed. She also talked to me about it. Asking me if it's just her being paranoid. I flat out looked at her and said you and I both know you're being watched. You feel you have to do certain things to cover your ass because they tried to get you fired. Plus you're on drugs to control your panic attacks, paranoia, and depression as am I. So chances of this just being paranoia is minimal. If anything let them know the drugs you're on, like I do. Now they're not privelegded to this information unless you give it to them, but they need to know how much it has affected you, me and everyone else. Blah Blah Blah! Needless to say she felt better and I'm still hell bent on getting the bitch Big Mama out of the fucking picutre....oh I also call her Soul Glow! We've got a lot of to-do's on our lists in the next couple weeks. I'm stressing about them already but oh fucking well life goes on. I think I will offically start to get happy once the bachelorett party happens. We're getting all the little things we need in the mail. I still don't have all the RSVP's yet! I'm not happy about that point. All I know is life will go on and so will I. I'm now looking forward to going to Scotland and doing things there. Oh did I mention we're going to London for a couple of days too. I'm so excited about that part!!!! I get to see my girls this weekend and I'm very much looking forward to that. I miss them and need them a lot. |
About Myself
I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.