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Saturday, September 22, 2007 Ok so next week I'm having my first (or should be) period in over 2 years. I'm getting the typical crying shit that's usual...that I don't miss. I had a break down about the possibility of fucking up my children as badly as my parents fucked me up. I thank god every day for my grandmother who held me and told me how wonderful I was to her. I don't know if I would have made it without her. I guess that this is going to have to be a subject that I talk to my psych about. It made me realize yet again though how thankful I am for having M in my life. He just held me and told me that he thinks I'll be the best mom ever and that if anything I may be to afraid to discipline our children because of it. I have my doubts and major fears about controlling my emotions, words, and my hands from hitting. I have lashed out physically before against a pet out of pure frustration and just broke into tears and begged her to forgive me. I still feel so much guilt for that and can only hope she did forgive me....it wasn't Violet who I still miss incredibly, it was Clementine my toy poodle that had the really bad skin disorder who was also my baby girl. I talk to her and Violet constantly and have Violet's collar hanging from my review mirror.....fuck I miss her.Ok I'm tired of the sad depressing posts....so I'm gonna quickly complain and then move on!!!! 1. My work is trying to kill me slowly...I've worked 2 weeks straight at 46 hours a week and next week it's going to be 49.....I'm working 11 hours on Monday starting at 6:30am. 2. Saw my "centerpiece" sample today and wanted to cry...I hated it! We have plenty of time to change it thank god. M is being wonderful about it! 3. I hate crying! Ok happy things!!! Maggie is starting to play with the cats and learn what they like. She has learned that HoneyBee wants to be licked and loved, Alec wants to play but on his terms, Tigger well...she's queen of the house and just wants to observe everything. Lucy is being a good mommy and very very patient through the puppy phase....she's doing so much better and she's so much happier. We also just found out we are possibly adding 2 new members to the already large zoo we have....what could we possibly add you ask....2 baby desert totris'. M's brother has a male and female who apparently had eggs hatch. As of right now there's only 6. You can't sell them since they're endangered so if anyone knows of a good home for some of the others let me know. They need to stay in an aquarium for 3-5 years to start with. Yeah we're going to have an interesting house to bring children into. Oh and now we're talking about moving to the east coast......where you ask....Salem Mass. That's right people MA!! That's if when we travel out there in the near future we like it. We're really looking at the East Coast though. I'm a Cali girl through and through but with how things are going here I'm not sure I want to bring my children up here. Things are just getting way to expensive. Oh and if you haven't heard her music look up Colbie Caillat. I love her music! Labels: Periods suck |
About Myself
I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.