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Tuesday, September 19, 2006 I hate being jealous, I hate the feeling of untrust I get, but most of all I hate the feeling of guilt I get from it. M has developed a friendship with my best friend/maid of honor J. Now I'm not really happy about it, nor am I unhappy about it, but I'm sure as hell jealous and untrusting about it. Do I trust him, completely. Do I trust he'd never do anything to hurt me, yes. However I don't believe you should ever say never because it may just happen. I just don't trust her fully....She has pulled so much in the past to backstab me with past frienships, and I'm not quick to trust her again. Not to mention I took her back into my life after 2 years of not talking to eachother and I don't want to be a fool for taking her back.M and J are doing the walk for the cure...which I'm happy about to say the least. I'm happy that M has found someone besides me to talk to. Though I'm not so sure that I'm happy that it's her he's talking to. Why you ask, because I am scared she'll pull the same bs she did before...talking negetively about me behind my back to M. That he'll talk to her about whatever I'm annoying him about. That and last but not least, it no longer leaves me an outlet to talk to someone if I'm upset with M. I can't tell him to stop talking to her, because of a few reasons. 1. I want him to have frienships outside of me. 2. I want him to be comfortable around her if we all go out together. 3. Because I love him and I would feel extremely bad if I told him he wasn't allowed to have a friendship with her. I can justify my jealousy until the cows come home, but I can not justify not allowing him to have her as a friend no matter how much it may make me jealous. The one good thing that is coming from all of this, is it's making me learn to trust J more and more. Like I told M, she has to earn my trust back, and this is one way she can. |
About Myself
I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.