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Tuesday, August 01, 2006 Ok be forewarned this is a blog with me being depressed, and the utter ravings of a psycho chick on her period.So tonight was one of quite a few lately when it seems as if I fuck up everything when Mike and I are trying to be intimate. I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to us having sex. Every time I go to suck on his ears (because it turns him on) something shifts and the small ammount of suction is broken which ends up in a loud noise right in his ear. In turn this causes pain for him, and more insecurity for me. That has happened quite a few times. Then there's me moving a leg over his and ripping out his leg hair..how I don't know it just happened. To top it all of there's tonight. I'm gripping his right arm with my left laying over him trying to kiss him and it slipps (my arm) and my thumb goes straight into the cornor of his eye. Almost always it ends up in me very self concious, apologizing profusely and him laying there in pain not saying anything. From there everything ends. I almost always lay there crying as he falls asleep. However this time it leads me here. I'm sitting alone in our computer room, writing this blog. I know he's probably asleep by now per usual with no care as to where I am or what I'm doing. I go back and forth about wanting him to come get me, or just to leave me be with my thoughts. Leaving me be with my thoughts is probably the worst, I tend to beat myself to death about what I did wrong and anything else that my twisted brain decides to bring up. So there it is.....I warned you it was a depressing post......... |
About Myself
I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.