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Tuesday, May 31, 2005 So this morning around 6am I woke up out of a dead sleep and couldn't get back to sleep. I had USC on my mind non stop. Not in a good way either! It was mostly about my gut telling me he's still seeing Amy even though he says otherwise. Thinking about my dream and how it reflected what I truely want, but will probabl never come true. So because I woke up and was true to myself I wote him a good-bye letter. It just about killed me to do but I did it. I told him how I loved him, and that I can not live my life believing that my dream will come true when I seriously doubt it will. That I want him in my life, but I don't think I'd be able to watch him fall in love with someone else and know it's not me. So on and so fourth... I am going to finally pack up all his stuff drive up there and either give it to him or drop it off. I have yet to decide which one.I am still not completely ready to give him, or even the thought of him up. But I'm not going to sit here and continously try to convince myself that he loves me when he doesn't, and it really hurts to say that. I will always probably love him, and more than I care to admitt. I held on for so long because I wanted to believe that he was the one. Mostly because my grandmother believed he was the one too. |
About Myself
I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.