I'm a newlywed who got married on March 15,2008.
I'm currently living at home with my mother, husband,
2 dogs, 3 cats, and 5 tortises. We're saving up for
our first how which we'll hopefully buy soon. I'd
love to start our family, but that like everything
comes in it's own time.
I recently lost my father, and am dealing with his
death the best way I know how. Surrounding myself
with the people I love, and enjoying life like he
would have wanted me to.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009Ok so as everyone who reads my blog or knows me knows, I'm pregnant. M and I moved into our own house, blah blah blah!
Things for the most part are going ok, with the exceptions of M's anger problem (which he's aware of)the stress of having a new house, new bills, and other things, then you add a baby on the way and you can only imagine.
However for the most part we're happy, and glad to be in our own place for once.
For me it's been a difficult transition. I have only ever lived in one place, and spent 27 years there before moving out on my own...well with my husband. So needless to say I'm homesick. I miss being able to go to sleep easily at night, and not worry about people breaking in. I miss not having to worry about the dogs and cats at night. I miss the area, and all the familiar things that were my home.
I'm trying to accept that where I am is my new home, but I lack the ability to make it so. We don't have the necessary cash to furnish a whole house, like that's a surprise, and there are boxes everywhere. I have very little energy to deal with them. Not to mention M is gone 90% of the time with either work or school.
Then to top all of this stress off, my cat Tigger is showing signs of her very long life coming to an end. I suspect that she will not make it through the night. I've had her since I was 9 years old, and can't picture life without her. Tonight when I got home I noticed she was acting a little odd. When I really watched what she was doing it almost seemed like mini seizures. When I talked to M about it he said he didn't want to tell me because he figured I'd notice, but when he got home she had a problem walking, and then couldn't stop walking in circles. Typically I'd figure poison, but we don't have anything harmful that the animals can get into. I just pray that she goes quickly, and without pain. I love her so much, and honestly having her with me, made it a little easier for the transition. Now I don't know what to do. I don't want to put her through more tests, and goddess knows I don't want to prolong her suffering, but I can't bring myself to put her down. It's a long story, but let's just put it this way, every animal I've had with the exception of Violet, was put to sleep when they became a burden, and cost to much money. I absolutely refuse to do that to my beloved cat and friend.
I'm so tired of loss, I would like to go one year without loosing someone or some thing. My father passed away in March of this year, making things a little more difficult than I thought they'd be. I didn't expect it, and it came as a big shock. I don't think I'll ever fully get over loosing my dad, especially as suddenly as I did. I just didn't think that I'd loose someone I cared about so quickly afterward.
I should be thanking my lucky stars that I had Tigger for as long as I've had her, but you know what I'm selfish. I don't want to let her go, and I don't want to say goodbye to the animal who was my comfort. Who was always there when I cried, to make me smile, who would groom me, and rub her head against mine. I don't want to let someone else go so soon after loosing my father. However, death doesn't even give you a choice, it takes people and things when it chooses to without a care as to who it affects or how it affects them.
So please if you've continued to read this after my long tearful ranting, please just pray that my Tigger goes quickly and painlessly. That she's met by my father, and held in his arms while she crosses over.